Plans, part one

I held out my hands to Him.
"Look," I smiled eagerly, "Look what I have here!
Remember all the old dreams and hopes?
I've turned them into plans for the future:
see how nicely I've laid them out,
and ordered them?
See how they fit together?"
And I stretched my hands out to Him
so He could see, and admire my handiwork.
"You gave me the dreams, I think--
Do you remember? Long, long ago...
but see what I have done with them?"

And He nodded,
but His smile looked a little sad
around the eyes.
"Yes.... Yes, I see. I remember the dreams
(I don't forget). They gave you hope,
and brought color to your days.
I have plans, too--
marvelous intricate plans for your future,
full of vivid life and hope."
His eyes were full, brimming with joy
and anticipation.
But His hands were cupped,
and I couldn't see inside.

I stood on my tiptoes and tried to peek.
"That sounds exciting--
can I see?"
But He pulled His hands away gently.
"No, not yet."
They're a surprise;
you'll see one step at a time--"
He lowered his voice conspiratorily--
"sometimes two, if I decide you should know.
It will be an adventure."

I pulled away, disconcerted
but torn by His clear excitement
and promises He offered.
"I like the sound of that.
Couldn't I just see a few
at random?
You know, for an idea of what's ahead?"
"No. Not yet.
You aren't ready for them."

"I...I don't know."
I couldn't look at Him.
I tightened my fingers' grasp
and backed away slowly,
eyes turned down toward my arms full of plans,
and I could see all of them,
and they looked good to me.
"This is what I want," I whispered,
holding them in my fist, and glancing at him apprehensively.

I ignored the quiet, nagging thought as I walked away
that His plans were probably better.
I pushed it down, telling it
maybe His were better,
but I could see mine,
and I liked them, anyway.